Recently, I experienced a sub drop for the first time ever. For those of you who don’t know, a sub drop is a feeling of sadness or sort of a depressive state following a session of BDSM play that happens because of dropping endorphin levels after doing BDSM. And to be completely honest, I didn’t know what it was until I started this blog and the accompanying Instagram account. Also, on top of sub drops, there is also a condition known as postcoital dysphoria, which is a similar state of sadness, but can happen even with vanilla sex. According to a study conducted in 2015, around 46% of women reported having experienced this. But anyways, the other day, I had kinky sex with my boyfriend, but instead of the usual ropes and choking and whatnot, we tried using an anal vibrator for only the second time ever. Afterwards, once we were fully dressed and just hanging out in his room, I started to feel upset, and I started to feel a sense of doubt towards his love for me (which is absolutely ridiculous; our relationship is and always has been fantastic). The next day, I woke up feeling straight-up depressed. I still had no idea at the moment why I was feeling this way. A few hours into the day, I texted my boyfriend, saying I was feeling depressed, and he asked: “Do you know what might’ve caused it?” Previously to that moment, I didn’t even think about the idea of “what caused it,” but in that moment, I realized, “oh yeah, sub drops are a thing, and I started feeling upset after we had sex, so that’s probably it,” and so I responded by telling him about that. And then I thought back on the time during which we had sex, and I realized– we forgot to do aftercare. I’m not mad at him about it though, because he wasn’t the only one forgetting about it. I forgot as well. I could’ve remembered and reminded him, but I didn’t. But anyways, big moral of the story is: Never forget aftercare.
But speaking of aftercare, some of you might not know exactly what that even is. According to Kinkly, “aftercare is the period of time after a scene in which partners attend to one another’s physical, emotional, and psychological needs.” I’ll go ahead and compile a list of things you can do during aftercare to help you out:
-If you’ve done anything that created wounds, make sure to take care of those immediately.
-Offer pain meds
-Make sure the sub is in a comfortable location (e.g. a bed or a couch)
-Put a blanket on the sub
-Offer water
-Give verbal reassurance and praise
-Offer chocolate; this helps increase blood sugar and oxytocin (make sure the sub is not allergic to chocolate)
-Offer other food if they don’t want chocolate.
-Cuddle
-Make sure to communicate about what both of you liked or disliked
-Continue to communicate with the sub for a few days to make sure they’re okay